Goldfish

It's an unspeakable feeling that comes from the depths. We can't articulate it any other way than the simplest of words and we know those won't suffice.

This goes beyond the body yearning for another one to be close.
Beyond worry or doubt or fear.
Like a steady beat, it rings true all the time.
Even after an angry word or a step in the wrong direction.

Every time I tell you, I feel like you immediately forget
and you then walk all over me
oblivious to every step.

My dear, you could not ruin me if you tried. (Even tears dry up.)

But for now, I'll tell you the simple delusional truth:

I love you and there's nothing I can do about it.

Glory

It seems that love is an overly abused word these days.
The phrase "I love you" could mean, "I really appreciate this" or "You make me happy" for whatever reason. I love you for doing this, I love you when you do that, this thing that you do makes me realize that I adore you...so on and so forth.


I am beginning to overflow. I love you in so many ways and for so many reasons that I can't possibly name them all. I can't just love you because I appreciate your actions, or even because you have hidden talents that I get to see--these are things that make me enjoy you, like a good meal or a nice day. I love you and I can't figure out how or why and I really don't want to at all. I don't want to feel I need to explain that to anyone, but sometimes I do.

Under dark clouds, even here in this stormy wreckage I can love you. I won't lie, there is a struggle to see what I mean by it and even where I stand. But in the end, I don't lose a thing here. The winds are going to blow and I like stinging rain just as much as any other person, but I'll bear it for the sake of reaching the eye of this hurricane.
Two separate storm systems, two independent galaxies dancing in, around, with one another. In your lightning, you will hear my thunder and I cannot keep the volume turned down any longer. I want to fight you. I want to throttle you awake and shout until your space shatters. Even in this bleak vacuum, I feel you shine brighter than any full moon.

Love is not about sharing someone's sorrow or rescuing them. Or it may be to a degree, but the story doesn't end there. Caring that much about a person doesn't give you an excuse to make someone else responsible for making you feel better, that's still your own job. Being cared for does give you the right to not worry about feeling bad. Just that can be comfort enough.

What am I saying? I love you, yeah (yeah yeah..) and I know that doesn't put a magical band aid on anything. It doesn't for me, and I don't see how it would. I shouldn't be writing this in hopes you'll read it or even in lieu of talking to you. What I'm saying is, 1-I am not done with this topic, and I'll probably harp on it until I feel better, 2-I'm going to grow a pair and actually talk to you about this, 3-I'm terrified too, 4-you already know all of this, 5- *anxiety*

Truth.
Fact.
Non-fiction.
I love you.
andican'tgetyououtofmyheadandiwantyoutolovemetooandiamembarrassedforyouinwritingthisandiwanttotakeyoueverywhereandshowyoueverythingandiwantyoutoseetoseetoseetoseewellallofme
and that may be the most terrifying thought of all.

ps-everytime i dream of you i hear the same song. :x
"This war is crazy, I won't let you down..."

full moon.

please, please, please try and hear your words. please try and live by what you believe.

you can do better.

..."are you hearing me, like i'm hearing you?"

"i'm a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl.
you're the bird on the brim, hypnotized by the whirl....
i'm a tree that grows hearts, one for each that you take
you're the intruder's hand, i'm the branch that you break."

i don't feel like crying today. i just want to smile without getting paid for it.


Originally written on 10/14/08

Illusionary/Tsk

People look like so much fun at a distance.
Then you get up close and there's all this....history.

All of a sudden someone has their own personality instead of the facade.
Foul play, God.
Bad form.