It feels like it's been days since yesterday.
So much has happened without a lot happening.
So little crazy with so much thought.
I'm de-cluttering things.
It feels so good to look forward.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Stereo in the Kitchen
it is when you begin to apologize that you know you may be in trouble...
"Ennui unbridled, let's talk to kill the time.
How many styles did you cycle through before you were mine?
And it's been a while since we went wild and that's all fine,
But we're sleepwalking through this trial,
And it's really a crime...it's really criminal"
Everything was awash in orange
and our mouths were filled with grins.
The table would morph into a new mess each night
and the furniture would tumble down the stairs.
We could walk into each other's houses,
drink a glass of water and keep walking.
The sky protected us when we played basketball in the dark
and candy on our tongues could melt anything away.
Long drives and drunken lost living rooms,
dark hallways and loud basements filled with sleeping people,
a television kissing you goodnight
and a kitchen sink to wake you in the morning.
To name the things that changed you
is to remember who you are
and if it's the difference between
the hole in my diary or the clippings of my soul,
I'll carve something righteous out
just to tell these stories again.
Some love stories were never meant to be sold to Hollywood.
Or to last.
Note: This is a summary of the events of last fall and the feelings that went with it. I lost a job and a friend last December, neither of which would want me back. The love story is not of romance in this situation but an idealized adoration for a group that was family. I had previously referenced death before things began to fall apart not thinking I could lose this.
In short---last October was a lot of fun and I'll really miss it.
Originally written on 10/20/09
"Ennui unbridled, let's talk to kill the time.
How many styles did you cycle through before you were mine?
And it's been a while since we went wild and that's all fine,
But we're sleepwalking through this trial,
And it's really a crime...it's really criminal"
Everything was awash in orange
and our mouths were filled with grins.
The table would morph into a new mess each night
and the furniture would tumble down the stairs.
We could walk into each other's houses,
drink a glass of water and keep walking.
The sky protected us when we played basketball in the dark
and candy on our tongues could melt anything away.
Long drives and drunken lost living rooms,
dark hallways and loud basements filled with sleeping people,
a television kissing you goodnight
and a kitchen sink to wake you in the morning.
To name the things that changed you
is to remember who you are
and if it's the difference between
the hole in my diary or the clippings of my soul,
I'll carve something righteous out
just to tell these stories again.
Some love stories were never meant to be sold to Hollywood.
Or to last.
Note: This is a summary of the events of last fall and the feelings that went with it. I lost a job and a friend last December, neither of which would want me back. The love story is not of romance in this situation but an idealized adoration for a group that was family. I had previously referenced death before things began to fall apart not thinking I could lose this.
In short---last October was a lot of fun and I'll really miss it.
Originally written on 10/20/09
Friday, September 11, 2009
Still Life
An edit of this. Feedback is thoroughly encouraged. Criticism extremely welcome.
Eons have passed since we walked through that green maze to bronze fields.
Yet I have visited our park so many times in my thoughts,
with the heaviness of death hiding so close to my heart,
it would seem as though it was only yesterday since we were walking side by side.
With open eyes and bare feet,
the music of the air spilled into our ears
and we swayed like stalks of wheat.
Under the blue autumn sky,
I can still hear all of the words you ever spoke
echoing through the blades of grass.
We were not silent then;
we were not patient
and there was no need to be, either.
Our souls touched and grew inside one another.
I can only dig down so far
to find where there is a difference between us.
It would not matter if you lived in any other place,
if I could not see you with my eyes.
We were born to meet each other and live to learn.
(Perhaps if we had never met I may have died?
What about you?)
If my legs could carry me,
I would run.
If you could open your mouth,
you would conduct symphonies.
It was so simple for us.
We were creating worlds by discovering what already existed.
We were flourishing in the void.
We were making peace by not needing one another.
My only fears for you are that fear would get in the way of any life worth living.
That something could paralyze you beyond ever
understanding or experiencing the most necessary affairs.
Waves passed and oceans flew,
time churned and next thing I knew
you were walking away from me.
The crisp air hit my lungs and I decided this wouldn't be when I chased after anyone.
I was tired of walking so far North
that I forgot where the beach lay.
When I was at your place
I never knew which way was home.
I got so comfortable in your bed
I began to dislike my own skin.
Four years ago I might not have known any better,
but four years from now I might say the same thing.
I take a deep breath and plunge in.
---maybe I'll find you after all.
Eons have passed since we walked through that green maze to bronze fields.
Yet I have visited our park so many times in my thoughts,
with the heaviness of death hiding so close to my heart,
it would seem as though it was only yesterday since we were walking side by side.
With open eyes and bare feet,
the music of the air spilled into our ears
and we swayed like stalks of wheat.
Under the blue autumn sky,
I can still hear all of the words you ever spoke
echoing through the blades of grass.
We were not silent then;
we were not patient
and there was no need to be, either.
Our souls touched and grew inside one another.
I can only dig down so far
to find where there is a difference between us.
It would not matter if you lived in any other place,
if I could not see you with my eyes.
We were born to meet each other and live to learn.
(Perhaps if we had never met I may have died?
What about you?)
If my legs could carry me,
I would run.
If you could open your mouth,
you would conduct symphonies.
It was so simple for us.
We were creating worlds by discovering what already existed.
We were flourishing in the void.
We were making peace by not needing one another.
My only fears for you are that fear would get in the way of any life worth living.
That something could paralyze you beyond ever
understanding or experiencing the most necessary affairs.
Waves passed and oceans flew,
time churned and next thing I knew
you were walking away from me.
The crisp air hit my lungs and I decided this wouldn't be when I chased after anyone.
I was tired of walking so far North
that I forgot where the beach lay.
When I was at your place
I never knew which way was home.
I got so comfortable in your bed
I began to dislike my own skin.
Four years ago I might not have known any better,
but four years from now I might say the same thing.
I take a deep breath and plunge in.
---maybe I'll find you after all.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
affirmation/prayer/love
Know that you are beautiful and wonderful;
nothing could ever hurt you or harm you.
You will win out in the end,
with that triumph in your chest
and a gleam in your eye.
There isn't a single soul that could stand in your way
or anyone that can waste your time of day:
you choose what you see
you gain what you need to learn.
Know these truths and be free
smile and live happily.
nothing could ever hurt you or harm you.
You will win out in the end,
with that triumph in your chest
and a gleam in your eye.
There isn't a single soul that could stand in your way
or anyone that can waste your time of day:
you choose what you see
you gain what you need to learn.
Know these truths and be free
smile and live happily.
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Only Certainty...
...in this life, is that it will end. Every other concept is up to you to perceive.
It was only yesterday that we walked across bronze fields with open eyes and bare feet. The music of the air spilled into our ears and we swayed like stalks of wheat. Our souls touched and grew inside one another. I can only dig so far down deep to find where there is a difference between us. It would not matter if you lived in any other place, if I could not see you with my eyes. We were born to meet each other and live to learn. My only fears for you are that fear would get in the way of any life we could live.
Yet I have visited our park so many times in my thoughts, with the heaviness of death hiding so close to my heart. Four years ago I might not have known any better, but four years from now I might say the same thing. (Perhaps if we had never met I may have died? What about you?) Even under the blue autumn sky, I can hear all of the words you ever spoke echoing through the grass. We were not silent then, we were not patient and there was no need to be, either. If my legs could carry me, I would run. If you could open your mouth, you would conduct symphonies. It was so simple for us. We were making peace by not needing one another.
Waves passed and oceans flew, time churned and next thing I knew you were walking away from me. The crisp air hit my lungs and I decided this wouldn't be when I chased after anyone. I was tired of walking so far North that I forgot where the beach lay. When I was at your place I never knew which way was home. I got so comfortable in your bed I began to dislike my own skin. I take a deep breath and plunge in---maybe I'll find you after all.
It was only yesterday that we walked across bronze fields with open eyes and bare feet. The music of the air spilled into our ears and we swayed like stalks of wheat. Our souls touched and grew inside one another. I can only dig so far down deep to find where there is a difference between us. It would not matter if you lived in any other place, if I could not see you with my eyes. We were born to meet each other and live to learn. My only fears for you are that fear would get in the way of any life we could live.
Yet I have visited our park so many times in my thoughts, with the heaviness of death hiding so close to my heart. Four years ago I might not have known any better, but four years from now I might say the same thing. (Perhaps if we had never met I may have died? What about you?) Even under the blue autumn sky, I can hear all of the words you ever spoke echoing through the grass. We were not silent then, we were not patient and there was no need to be, either. If my legs could carry me, I would run. If you could open your mouth, you would conduct symphonies. It was so simple for us. We were making peace by not needing one another.
Waves passed and oceans flew, time churned and next thing I knew you were walking away from me. The crisp air hit my lungs and I decided this wouldn't be when I chased after anyone. I was tired of walking so far North that I forgot where the beach lay. When I was at your place I never knew which way was home. I got so comfortable in your bed I began to dislike my own skin. I take a deep breath and plunge in---maybe I'll find you after all.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A word.
"Never have I not existed,
nor you, nor these kings;
and never in the future
shall we cease to exist."
more to come.
nor you, nor these kings;
and never in the future
shall we cease to exist."
more to come.
Friday, May 8, 2009
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